Where to look for answers can sometimes seem overwhelming. With the abundance of television and media messages, self-help books, the Internet, and even our loved ones’ advice, it is easy to find ourselves in a state of information overload. Confusion meltdown. I hope to assist you. I have compiled my “short-list” of resources that I use in my therapeutic work. I encourage you to contact me so we can talk about how to incorporate what I have listed below with my Family and Couples Services.
ANXIETY or FEARS
Dr. Tara Brach
Tara Brach’s website is a rich resource to quell anxiety and fear. Geared toward being in the world in a mindfully present way, this website offers meditations, talks on a range of topics, online courses, and more.
Practicing The Power Of Now
by Eckhart Tolle
Tolle reminds us of the power of being in “the now.” All too often, as he points out, we feed anxiety by bouncing between a preoccupation with our past and a fear of what awaits us in the future. With practice we can challenge anxiety by bringing our mindful attention to the prese
COUPLES
STAY TOGETHER
The Seven Principles For Making Marriage Work
by John Gottman, Ph.D
Dr. Gottman, in plain language, highlights the importance of what he calls “building a culture of appreciation.” He reminds all couples that success and longevity lie less in whether we fight and more in how we fight.
Passionate Marriage
by David Schnarch, Ph.D
Dr. Schnarch provides his insights around making a passionate marriage by balancing “the drive for individuality and the drive for togetherness.” Both are so vital and need to be nurtured.
Mating in Captivity: Reconciling the Erotic + the Domestic
by Ester Perel
A very good discussion about balancing the various aspects of married life.
After the Affair: Healing the Pain and Rebuilding Trust When a Partner Has Been Unfaithful
by Janis Abrahms Spring, PhD
Many couples can and choose to transform their relationship following the confusion and upset of infidelity. Dr. Spring’s book helps both the hurt partner as well as the unfaithful one figure out how to rebuild trust and move forward.
Affairs-help.com | Emily Brown, LCSW, a seasoned psychotherapist in Arlington Virginia, has developed a client self-assessment tool. This can be used to make some sense out of an affair experience.
COUPLES AMBIVALENCE / NOT SURE
The Divorce Remedy | by M. Weiner-Davis
In or Out: Treating The Mixed Agenda Couple | by Psychotherapy Networker, (November-December 2001), pp. 45-50. Also available at www.drbilldoherty.org
The Good Divorce
by Constance Ahrons, Ph.D
Dr. Ahrons points out that Divorce need not be a death sentence for the divorcing couple or their children’s emotional well-being. She lays out a framework for protecting our family during this time of confusion and great stress by focusing away from what she terms, the “fiery foes” and instead towards what she calls “cooperative colleagues.”
www.collaborativepractice.com
Divorce need not be riddled with tension and anger and exist in an environment of “winning” and “losing.” Collaborative Practice involves working as a team with trained professionals to resolve disputes respectfully, and without going to court.
Divorce Is Not the End of the World: Zoe's And Evan's Coping Guide for Kids
by Zoe Stern, Evan Stern, and Ellen Sue Stern
Written by a mother and her 2 children, this is a concise book that can even be read together in the bookstore.
What Should We Tell The Children? A Parents’ Guide for Talking About Separation and Divorce
by Joan Kelly
This great little booklet is available through the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers, www.aaml.org
Helping Your Kids Cope with Divorce the Sandcastles Way
by M. Gary Neuman
Based on the smart “Sandcastles Workshop,” this book, albeit long, is a great “parent resource.” It is even better if you and your children can participate in the workshop, which is offered in LA and other parts of the country.
PARENTING
PARENTING:
No Parent Left Behind: How To Parent Teens From Love Instead of Fear, by Dr. Candice Feinberg.
This is a practical, easy to read book for any parent of teenagers. Dr. Feinberg does a nice job of discussing how to honor our teenagers’ spirits while also setting limits, even in the face of teenage difficulties like depression and self-harm.
Hunt, Gather, Parent: What Ancient Cultures Can Teach Us About the Lost
Art of Raising Happy, Helpful Little Humans, by Dr. Michaeleen Doucleff.
This book is practical and also reads like an interesting cultural novel. Dr. Doucleff takes her readers on a tour of three of the world’s more economically challenging communities where western ideas of parenting are examined and contrasted with other ways of parenting and interacting with our children.
Catfish, by Henry Joost and Ariel Schulman.
This documentary film speaks to the potential hazards of social networking and reminds us parents to keep an eye on who we and our children are “friending” online.
Partnership Parenting, by Marsha Kline Pruett and Kyle Pruett
This is a useful book that discusses the importance of as well as the complexities of co-parenting.
Parenting from the Inside Out by Daniel Siegel, M.D. and Mary Hartzell, M.Ed
This book is wonderfully written. Dr. Siegel and Mrs. Hartzell encourage us to look within ourselves, and our own stories, in order to form deeper connections with our children.
Transforming The Difficult Child by Howard Glasser, M.A.
Despite what I think to be a misleading title, Mr. Glasser lays out a revolutionary approach to parenting all children. Rather than focusing parental energy when things go wrong, Mr. Glasser encourages us to bring our attention to our childrens’ successful moments in order to build a story of competence.
How To Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk by Adele Faber
The title says it all. Honing our communication skills is a big part of entering our childrens’ lives.
The Blessing of a Skinned Knee: Using Jewish Teachings to Raise Self-Reliant Children by Dr. Wendy Mogel
This book is being read and discussed by Jewish Parents and non-Jewish Parents alike. Dr. Mogel reminds us of the power of family and togetherness. She also challenges all of us parents to let our children learn without always racing in to their rescue.
Solve Your Child's Sleep Problems: Revised Edition by Richard Ferber, M.D.
When your child doesn’t sleep well, everything breaks down. Dr. Ferber has revised his long-standing approach to address sleep problems with kindness and thoughtfulness.
SINGLE MOTHERHOOD:
www.makinglemonade.com
This is a good Internet Community resource for Single Mothers who can use additional support from others traveling a similar road.
FAMILY RESOURCE:
www.groups.yahoo.com/group/peachhead
This yahoo group offers everything from advice to referrals, all from other parents living in Los Angeles.
CHILDREN AND DIVORCE:
The Co-Parenting Survival Guide: Letting Go of Conflict After a Difficult Divorce | by Elizabeth Thayer and Jeffrey Zimmerman
The Good Divorce | by Constance Ahrons, Ph.D
Divorce Is Not the End of the World: Zoe’s And Evan’s Coping Guide for Kids | by Zoe Stern, Evan Stern, and Ellen Sue Stern
What Should We Tell The Children? A Parents’ Guide for Talking About Separation and Divorce | by Joan Kelly
Helping Your Kids Cope with Divorce the Sandcastles Way | by M. Gary Neuman
Mom’s House, Dad’s House: Making two homes for your child | by Isolina Ricci Ph.D.
The Truth About Children and Divorce: Dealing with the Emotions So You and Your Children Can Thrive | by Robert E. Emery Ph.D.
Divorce and Child Custody A Judge’s Guide to Divorce: Uncommon Advice from the Bench | by Roderic Duncan
DEPRESSION
www.psychotherapynetworker.org
“Exposing the Mythmakers” by Barry Duncan, Scott Miller and Jaqueline Sparks; in the Family Therapy Networker; Mar/Apr 2000
This article reminds us that treating Depression need not be about what medication to take in order to feel better.
ADDICTIONS or SUBSTANCE ABUSE
Breaking Free of the Co-Dependency Trap, by Drs. Barry and Janae Weinhold
Beyond a biological set up for addiction, the way into and out of this complex issue often includes the addict/substance user and his family members. This book takes a look at Co-Dependency and the idea of interconnectedness.
Alcoholics Anonymous, 212-870-3400
www.alcoholics-anonymous.org
Cocaine Anonymous (CA), 800-347-8998
www.ca.org
Adult Children of Alcoholics, 310.534-1815
www.adultchildren.org
Al-Anon/Alateen, 888-4AL-ANON
www.al-anon.org
NarAnon (friends and Family of addiction)
www.Nar-anon.org
Recovering Couples Anonymous, 314-397-0867
www.recovering-couples.org
TRAUMA
The Body Remembers
by Babette Rothchild, L.C.S.W
Mrs. Rothchild provides answers to anyone who has experienced trauma or wonders whether they have been “traumatized.” Where trauma is concerned, she connects the importance of talk therapies with body-oriented therapies.
Waking The Tiger: Healing Trauma
by Peter Levine, Ph.D
Dr. Levine outlines an easy-to-follow discussion of how trauma can trigger the “fight-flight-freeze” mechanism in our brain and body. He also reminds us of the power over trauma through body awareness and family/communal support.
www.emdr.org
Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) is a strongly recommended, empirically supported treatment technique for trauma. It can be used both individually or within a family therapy context, and with adults or children.
ANGER
McKay, M., Roger P., & McKay, J. (1999). When Anger Hurts: Quieting The Storm Within. Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications Inc.
Weisinger, H. (1986). Dr. Weisinger’s Anger Workout Book. New York, NY: Quill.