Couples Therapy, like Family Therapy, is designed to be a short-term, interactive treatment approach.
We will focus our attention on the common areas of life that create strains in relationships; our relationships often break down either emotionally and/or sexually when disagreements exist in any of these areas.
A frequently cited beginning concern is, “We don’t communicate.” Couples therapy is about challenging this misperception since there is no “not communicating.” In both nonverbal and verbal ways, as well as in stale and emotionally difficult ways, we're always communicating with each other.
I will help you and your partner transform these interactions and this process is ultimately at the heart of effective couples therapy.
Forming as a Couple: Premarital / Early Marital Guidance
Premarital/Early Marital Counseling is a wise investment for anyone starting out with the intention of having a long-term, loving, and connected relationship.
My counseling process is short-term and goal-oriented. It is a discussion led by me around specific topics such as finances, sex, family planning, and parenting philosophies.
Unlike my Couples Therapy, Premarital/Early Marital Counseling is done expressly to prevent significant problems from occurring. We want your relationship to succeed and thrive. Unfortunately, the typical mindset is to seek assistance when there are problems as opposed to seeking guidance in order to avoid them. My Premarital/Early Marital Counseling is akin to providing strong emotional scaffolding around your relationship the same way we might around the building of any important home.
STAYING TOGETHER
Lets face it; to keep our love relationship vibrant and passionate is not easy. Finances, parenting, and sexual practices are often the common barriers. As someone married for over 27 years, I know that a passionate relationship takes attention and commitment. Not long ago, the marriage contract was largely set-up to secure and manage the homestead or to consolidate and magnify family wealth. Love and connection were low on the priority list. Only in recent times has marriage become driven by “love” and laced with a great pressure to achieve and maintain “emotional fulfillment.” Through Couples Therapy I can help you and your partner get back on track and then move forward from there.
Couples Ambivalence/Not Sure
Discernment counseling is a way for couples to look at their options before making a final decision about divorce.
It is most appropriate for couples where one partner wants to preserve and repair the relationship, and the other is leaning towards ending it. Research has shown that this kind of “mixed agenda” occurs among approximately 30% of couples proceeding toward divorce.
Discernment counseling differs from couples counseling in the following ways: a) the goal of discernment counseling is not to solve problems in the relationship, but to determine if both people are interested in trying to solve them, and b) discernment counseling may be as brief as one session and as long as five sessions.
Discernment counseling focuses on three paths:
- ending the relationship through separation or divorce
- committing to a six-month period for an all-out effort in couples counseling (and sometimes other services) to preserve the marital relationship
- “staying the course” and deciding later
The discernment counselor’s job is to respect the reasons for ending the relationship while opening up the possibility of restoring the relationship to health.
ANXIETY AND FEARS
Anxiety is about not knowing. Not knowing whether you and your partner should hold on since this is what you know. Or if meeting with a couple’s therapist like myself and looking at making some changes will help.
I recognize the bravery of making a decision to confront anxiety and fear by pursuing couples therapy. My therapy attempts to mitigate anxiety by focusing on what has worked in your relationship and what has not. For example, what may have worked in the past between the 2 of you may no longer be useful. I believe that anxiety and fear are emboldened when in the face of not knowing we do the same.
With an eye towards the present/future, I invite you and your partner to explore your relationship with me and in so doing to challenge anxiety and fear.
DEPRESSION
Feeling like a couple in distress is depressing. Much like an individual experiencing depression, it is common to feel some level of hopelessness. “Will our relationship make it and where do we even start?" The dynamics that may have worked in the past between you and your partner are probably outgrown and no longer productive. Maybe they haven’t been for some time.
My couples therapy will match what is needed in your relationship to what is best suited to this moment. Like individual depression, a couple experiencing depression can also metaphorically feel like their “sleep” and their “appetite” are off. And probably has been for some time. Feeling out of sync as a couple in these areas often translates as poor emotional and sexual connection, with a poor appetite or desire for the other. Couples' depression is usually fueled by 5 common stressors that we will explore together.
My couples therapy focuses on these areas in an all-out attempt to create curiosity and hopefulness and to push against couples depression.